Between Us

 "Emotions are part and parcel of our social and cultural lives, and they are shaped by our cultures and communities. The differences in emotions go beyond merely superficial differences in manifestation--emotions not only look different; the differences pertain to the very constituent processes and the course of the emotion itself.

"But wait. Is it possible that people across cultures have different emotions? Doesn't the human body prepare us for emotions? It does and it doesn't. Our brains and bodies do not come pre-wired for certain emotions, but they do prepare us each to have emotions that maximally serve us in our respective social and material lives--emotions that are adjusted to our communities and cultures. Int he most up-to-date science, nature is no longer contrasted with nurture; it is equipped for nurture" (18). 

"Any community that provides a set of experiences, understandings of the world, relationship practices, moral sensitivities, and values and goals may shape the emotions we have as individuals. Different cohorts, different socioeconomic groups, different religions, different gender cultures, and even different family cultures may provide emotions with their meaning" (20).

"When people come to the conclusion that others have feelings just like them, that conclusion may stem from their own projections" (21). 

"Emotions--our own included--are as dependent on our cultures as our clothes, our language, and the foods we feed our children" (22). 

MINE model:

OURS model

"..a MINE model of emotions prevails in Western contexts. Having the emotions that are required by others or by the setting is thought to be demanding and unnatural in MINE contexts. It is quite the norm in contexts that favor an OURS model" (42-43). She gives the example of a Buddhist family who just found out their family member's illness was terminal. "Despite the general state of devastation, Sen's relatives 'crafted their emotions so that they could accept what happened... Sen's father and sister went to the temple to make offerings every morning. His sister, brother, relatives, and friends, at least at first, for the most part, displayed what seemed to be blank faces: faces that did not show emotion at all.' Cassanti assures us that the blank faces of Sen's friends and family neither meant that they were indifferent, nor that they just faked it for others' benefit. Instead, she writes, they were working towards a state that they felt to be appropriate--to accept what happened (tham jai) and to be calm (jai yen)" (43). Later she describes this as "they did what needed to be done, and their feelings mostly followed. The emotion was outside in" (45). 

"When an OURS model of emotions prevails, emotional acting is Situated: individuals accommodate to the social norms, expectations, and roles in their social context. What matters is whether your emotions match up to others' needs and expectations, whether you fit with the norms, and whether you fulfill your role" (45).