The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal

 "...like an eager student, the brain is remarkably responsive to experience. Ask your brain to do math every day, and it gets better at math. Ask your brain to worry, and it gets better at worrying. Ask your brain to concentrate, and it gets better at concentrating. Not only does your brain find these things easier, but it actually remodels itself based on what you ask it to do." (Plasticity)

"Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure, than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience. One reason forgiveness helps people recover from mistakes, is that it takes away the shame and pain of thinking about what happened. The 'What the hell? Effect' is an attempt to escape the bad feelings that follow a set-back. Without the guilt and self-criticism, there's nothing to escape. This means it's easier to reflect on how the failure happened, and less tempting to repeat it. On the other hand, if you view your set-backs as evidence that you are a helpless loser who screw everything up, thinking about your failure is a miserable exercise in self-hate. Your most urgent goal will be to soothe those feelings, not to learn from your experience. This is why self-criticism backfires as a strategy for self-control. Like other forms of stress, it drives you straight to comfort coping, whether that's drowning your sorrows in the nearest dive bar, or lifting your spirits with a Visa-sponsored shopping spree."

Other ideas I jotted down.

*Pay attention to what's going on in your mind bEfOrE giving into temptation. (Is there something you're trying to distract or comfort in yourself?)

*Willpower is about "I will," "I won't," and "I want."

*Meditation is good at training attention and memory

*A way to instantly get more willpower-- slow your breathing to 4-6 breaths per minute. This increases your heart rate variability and increases your willpower reserve.

*Willpower makes your brain bigger and faster. In one study, those who started exercising also, without being instructed to do so, decreased their intake of caffeine, junk food, alcohol, and cigarettes. They also had better control of their emotions and had better focus and attention, and were less prone to distraction.

*Sleep is good for self-control. "Mild prefrontal dysfunction" is what happens when you're even mildly sleep-deprived.

*"Nothing drains willpower faster than stress. The biology of stress and the biology of self-control are simply incompatible."

*That initial feeling of exhaustion does not mean you are actually exhausted. It's often a protective signal from the brain... can you push past that first feeling of fatigue? (Applies physically and mentally.)

*Notice: at what point in the day do you have the most self-control?

*Finding your "I want" power can motivate your "I will" and "I won't." "I want" has more to do with long-term goals.

*Also, sometimes turning an "I will" into an "I won't" helps. Not "I will go to the gym today!" but "I won't go home and sit right on the couch."

*Your are less likely to take actions to meet your goals when you (only) moralize the decisions. You're more likely to do the difficult thing when you think about how doing so will help you get what you want. (So not, "I won't cheat on my spouse because that's wrong," but "I won't cheat on my spouse because I want to be an honest person, have a lasting marriage, etc.")

*Many people take 'steps away' from their goal once they start to see progress. (For example, celebrating losing weight with pizza & ice cream.) Feeling good about progress you've made toward your goal isn't a bad thing, but remember the 'why.' Focus on your commitment to the goal, not your progress. "Remembering why works because it changes how you feel about the reward of self-indulgence. That so-called treat will start to look more like the threat to your goals that it is."

*Reduce the variability of your choice day to day. Act as if every choice you made is a commitment to your future choices. ("I could miss the gym today, but do I want to miss it every day this month?" Life as if today is going to be repeated.)

*Do you identify more with the impulses and desires, or with your goals and values? Which you see as more truly 'you' matters.

*Stress puts the brain in a reward-seeking states. Under stress, every temptation seems more tempting, even coping strategies that don't actually work.

*A strategy for feeling better is not the same as a strategy for change. 

*Connection to your future self helps your present self make better choice. (How often so I see me 2.0 as a completely different, possessing endless energy and time, never tempted by anything?)

*"Mirror neurons" make us more likely to imitate the behavior of others around us. It is part of being part of a social group- obviously potential for good and not-so-good here.

*"We may try to push thoughts out of our mind, but the body gets the message anyway."

*One method to withstand temptation- "surf the urge." Sit and notice where the temptation shows up in your body, really feel it, and then let it pass as all cravings do. 

Spiritual Disciplines: A Believer's Openings to the Grace of God

 "The question is important: What are the rationale and the role of discipline in a life where the accent is usually placed on divine grace? In just what way do divine accomplishment and human action interact in the shaping and fulfillment of Christian experience?

"... Discipline is education; it results when we properly respond by accepting and obeying that which instructs and cultivates us for the concerns and issues of a godly life" (3).

"God also trains us by means of his action, which is sometimes punitive in order to correct us. In such instances we can see that the notion of discipline, in both the Old Testament and the New Testament references to it, is two-sided. It deals from God's side with his authority, right, and wisdom to command us, while from our side it deals with our need to submit to that authority, honor that right, and obediently learn to live by wisdom. If we understand discipline in this way, we do not see it primarily as a compulsion imposed on us from the outside, but as a self-imposed training designed to keep the self organized for its proper response to God.

"The motivation behind this understanding is our love for God" (4, emphasis mine). 

"Freedom must be dependent and related in order to properly fulfill the self. It is by discipline that freedom best focuses for action. Such discipline is an instrumental necessity in integrating the whole self for godly living" (4).

"No comprehensive New Testament definition of conversion will omit the clear demand that the believer respond in faith and discipline of resolve. Conversion demands both" (5).

"Conversion is a new life rooted and grounded in the structured existence of Jesus Christ" (8).

"The imperative mood in the Sermon on the Mount is no accident; the imperative mood in Paul's writings is no mere literary experiment. The imperatives call for our disciplined response to God's goodness and sovereign will" (11). 

"Grace always demands effort on our part" (12).

"A discipline is at work, I say, when a person keeps himself or herself open to the ongoing demands of the conversion experience" (14).

"The problematic nature of the self is its multiplicity, and that multiplicity is a major part of the riddle of humanity" (15).

"We must learn the art of sanctifying all of life, not in a rigorous asceticism that denies life, but by inciting the self to know God in the midst of what has conditioned and influenced us" (19).

"We hold a fateful freedom unless we wisely invest that freedom in the will of God, yielding it to God for his use in guiding us" (20).

"Discipline is the willed use of the Christian's given freedom" (21).

"The disciplined Christian follows a vision: holiness. This Christian has an example: Jesus. And this person possesses certain insights for following that example: Scripture" (21).

"[The mastery of will of Christian experience] demands that we move constantly from information and instruction found in Scripture (the written statements about Christ) to discover how to apply them in the rough-and-tumble of life situations" (23).

"The Christian gives serious consideration to the future of one's thought and activity" (24).

"In another place I have written, 'Christian faith involves a mysticism. In fact, Christian experience demands one'" (24).

"Meditation is the process of mind by which life and mind meed in intimate fashion" (30).

"Understanding usually comes later than the experience itself. Understanding usually comes when we observe, handle, and sift our experience to see its meaning and interrelationships in light of our life and concerns. Attention is therefore the first requirement in the process of meditation-prayer, but the data for our attention are found in life as we have become aware of it" (30).

"Meditation-prayer is the act of giving attention to the living data of the world" (31).

"Thus, meditation and prayer interpenetrate each other; meditation keeps prayer thoughtful, while prayer sanctifies the meditation, claiming it for God" (33).

"Meditation means giving attention with intention. Meditation-prayer is meeting with God on the field of the inward self, applying oneself to discover, discern, watch for detail, and act with responsible decision in light of the finds" (36).

"Meditation-prayer is more than thinking about God. It is thinking in the presence of God. It is thinking with God" (36).

"Meditation-prayer should be forever aimed toward learning more and more of God as well as of oneself. Such learning will demand consistency as well as openness" (49).

"Fasting became a way of sensitizing the human spirit to discern God's will" (58).

"Fasting is a discipline that leads to vision, understanding, and creative spiritual behavior" (59). 

"Fasting is important in Christian experience because it deepens within the whole self a sense of one's dependence upon the strength of God. Fasting is more than an act of abstinence. It is an affirmative act; it is a way of waiting on God; it is an act of surrender. Fasting tends to induce within us an awareness of the spiritual dimension of life" (66).

Quoting Buber: "All real living is meeting" (71).

"Humans regard too lightly the fact that we have the ability to frame and use words. A word is a vital creation; it is a decisive tool. A word is a reflection of some reality, a means by which that reality can be apprehended and understood" (75).

"The very act of speaking or hearing implies we have relationship and togetherness with others; it demands that we face one another" (75).

"[Jesus] knew how to listen. Jesus knew how to speak--and when to speak...But something was at work within Jesus prior to his speaking, something deeper than a facility with words. That something was a spirit of openness to other human beings. He had a will for mutuality" (79).

"Dialogue is the way of community. It is the personal dimension of sharing. Dialogue concretizes the human will to be in relation with another person. It is the self-conscious response of an individual with another self. It is the way of willed encounter, a means of grace, a celebration of shared meaning. Dialogue is the way of explored intention, the way of God who is always seeking to share himself with others" (90).

"Worship is best understood as an experience of celebration in honor of God" (91).

"True worship is a considered action on our part; it is born out of a basic intent to celebrate God. This considered act of praise is more than a mere expression of thanksgiving; it is also a kind of interpretation of who God is and what God has done" (91).

"...true worship demands a high standard of inwardness on the one hand and a high degree of involvement on the other" (91).

"The worshiper must be challenged by bibilical statements so as to enter more fully into the faith they enshrine" (93).

"The first factor that influences a person's worship pattern is that person's temperament" (101).

"The second factor that influences a person's worship pattern is that person's tradition" (102).

"Tradition does not always change one's temperament; tradition rather trains it" (103).

"... third factor that influences someone's worship pattern: the worshipper's apprehension of truth and the way of relating oneself with it. Any alert Christian not only seeks the truth but, having found it, orients the self to its implications" (104).

"Music for worship must convey significant doctrine, human sentiment, and inward strength. And it must make sense as music" (112).

"Music that aids worship must give meanings and perspective to the worship experience; it will not undercut thought, even as it engages the emotions" (115).

So Long a Letter by Mariama Ba

 "Torn between the past and present, we deplored the 'hard sweat' that would be inevitable. We counted the possible losses. But we knew that nothing would be as before. We were full of nostalgia but were resolutely progressive" (19).

"To overcome distress when it sits upon you demands strong will. When one thinks that with each passing second one's life is shortened, one must profit intensely from this second; it is the sum of all the lost or harvested seconds that makes for a wasted or a successful life. Brace oneself to check despair and get it into proportion! A nervous breakdown waits around the corner for anyone who lets himself wallow in bitterness. Little by little, it takes over your whole being" (41).

"My reflections determine my attitude to the problems of my life. I analyse the decisions that decide our future. I widen my scope by taking an interest in current world affairs.

"I remain persuaded of the inevitable and necessary complimentarity of man and woman.

"Love, imperfect as it may be in its content and expression, remains the natural link between these two beings" (88). 

Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones

 "I let go of a breath I hadn't even known I was holding. This was what it was to have a friend, someone who knew exactly who you were and didn't blame you for it" (75).

"My mama didn't change herself in any way that you could easily put your finger on [when Grandma died]. She still opened the shop at seven thirty, taking care of the old ladies who got up at five, and she closed down at eight thirty, having taken care of the women who worked in offices. Everything was almost the same with her,but she went about her business in a way that put me in the mind of an old matchbook. You can scratch the head against the strip in the same way you always have, but you are not going to get any kind of spark" (194).