I share Stuckey's concern that our culture is searching for validation, meaning, fulfillment within the self in a way that is contrary to both the created order and the worship of Christ. What she defines as "self-love" if often manifested in mantras like, "You are enough," and "You are worthy," and emphasis on self-care and self-affirmation. I see the need for addressing this from a Christian perspective, because I believe that this approach on its own will never lead to fulfillment, but Christ can. Stuckey doesn't keep the focus on her book's titular topic; she covers everything from "the toxic culture of self-love," to race relations, to work, to marriage and dating advice, quickly turning this book into a chance to declare views on truth in many arenas. I found this disappointing for 2 reasons: one, in covering--mentioning, really--so many controversial topics in 224 pages, it was clear that she wasn't thoughtfully trying to model or teach discernment to her readers. There was only space to tell people what to think, to pat those on the back who agree with her. This wasn't even a space for either convincing others, or for helping those who already agree with her understand why their views align with Biblical thinking. She only gave short arguments, and declared what was true, and moved onto the next thing. Two: There was utter dismissal of the fact that others within orthodoxy have different views. I agree with her on the (in these days, extremely counter-cultural) stance that God has authority to declare what is right and wrong when it comes to ethics, sexuality, and all the rest. What I don't appreciate is her treating her interpretation of Scripture as the Only One. There is a difference between standing for the primary doctrines of the faith, and stating, with just as much authority, that intersectionality has no place in the church. Her approach tries to exile even many who share the confession in the authority of God and Scripture from the Land of Truth. I found her tone lacking in humility and compassion. She's not trying to convince others as much as she's ridiculing those foolish enough to disagree. I do think our culture needs voices to speak against the blind acceptance of mainstream secularism and hyper-individualism, but I can't recommend this one.
One example is Stuckey's argument about self-love. She says that our culture already loves ourselves enough, as evidenced by our self-loathing, self-obsession, and "perpetual prioritization of our own wants, needs, problems, and dreams." She says that even someone committing suicide doesn't have a deficit of self-love because suicidal ideation is just one exercise of self-interest, as the concern is only ending one's own pain. To me, this whole argument points to a desperate need for definitions of terms. But sadly, this logic makes sense to me as Stuckey seems primarily set on arguing against the culture of progressives who prescribe self-love as salvation, who never point followers toward Christ. But sometimes, because we don't like the solutions the other side promotes, we deny even that their premise is correct. Stuckey herself ruins her own argument when she quotes CS Lewis: "Love is unselfishly choosing for another's good." If what Lewis says is true, then doesn't it follow that love of self is far different than self-obsession, and maybe the self-interest she's condemning is different from concern for the truly good? Choosing what is ultimately good for myself means pointing myself toward Christ and and his kindness and his truth. If the sufferer contemplating suicide were to love themself, that would look like walking away from a violent way of ending life; it would look like taking difficult steps toward healing and flourishing. And framed like that, it's hard for me to see how loving yourself (with a proper definition of love) is harmful.
Often, in my experience, Christians have created a false
dichotomy that equates the self with the flesh, the deceptive heart, the
depravity of fallen humanity, and says anything involving the self is
bad because it is by definition mutually exclusive of Christ, goodness,
and virtue.
Stuckey says that there's no indication that we don't love ourselves enough. Rather, she says, we love ourselves too much. "Yes, many of us struggle with insecurities and even self-loathing, but these are just other indicators of self-obsession. Even when we don't like ourselves, our perpetual prioritization of our own wants, needs, problems, and dreams above all else proves that we still love ourselves a whole lot."
"The self can't be both the problem and the solution."
"The culture of self-love" falls short in light of Ephesians 2:2,4, which says that on our own we were dead, BUT GOD.
She speaks against "the cult of self-affirmation", in which the god is the self, and its tenets are authenticity and autonomy. The cult of self-affirmation shows up most apparently in the glorification of abortion."
"This is why Christianity and the cult of self-affirmation can't coincide. The values of the Christ-follower aren't authenticity and autonomy, they're Christlikeess and obedience. We have an objective estandard of right and wrong, found in the Bible, which means we're not ruled by cultural standards or our feelings.
She quotes John Piper as saying, "We all have to ask ourselves, 'How do we find the pace we need to finish the race?'" We all need rest, breaks, etc, but is our mindset focused on what we are entitled to, or how we can best continue to serve for the long haul?
She quotes Brene Brown as saying, "The truth about who we are lives in our hearts." She then rips this apart because of course the truth of who we are is declared by God and revealed to us only through Scripture. OH FOR SOME NUANCE. I don't think this quote is in direct opposition to Christ. Of course, the foundation of our identity is based on who Christ says I am. As Christians, God's revelation should come first; anything else contradicting it cannot be true. But to act as if what our hearts tell us has no place and is always worthy of being wholly disregarded is just foolish. If I am healthy and growing in Christ, when I look in my heart, I will see the truths of what he has declared. And if when I look in my heart, I don't see the truths of Scripture, that is good for me to acknowledge, to be aware of, to investigate. I don't want what I Believe and Know about Truth to be so separate from my heart. This thinking that if any truth resonates with who we are, it is suspect or even automatically untrue, that to truly embrace absolute truth we have to disregard everything going on side of us, is harmful. Truly I think it's why so many are leaving the faith. We are not taught how discern, how to hold to the truth of Christ and integrate it into everything we are, even our hearts and experiences. We are not taught how Jeremiah 17:9 and Jeremiah 31:33 can BOTH be true, how there is our flesh and there is our identity in Christ, our now truest self. Then the world's offers of a life that validate this reality becomes irresistible, and sadly we think the two are mutually exclusive.
"Our experiences and even ehtnicities matter, but they don't ultimately define us. We are defined by Jesus. There's not place for intersectionality in the body of Christ. This doesn't discount the disadvantages people indeed face, nor the uneven playing field that inevitably characterizes life on earth, and it certainly doesn't abdicate our responsibilities as Christians to help those in need."
"Colossians 3:23 says, 'Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for man.' We don't have to have the perfect job to glorify God with our work. The work that honors him only has to meet three qualifications: it's done well, it meets a real need, and it contributes to the good of those around us. This means that whether you're a CPA, a botanist, a janitor, a secretary, or a graphic desire, your work can matter and bring glory to God. Glorifying work doesn't have to earn a paycheck either. Stay-at-home moms, caretakers, and volunteer workers can still fulfill the qualifications for God-honoring work by working diligently to help those around them."
She quotes AOC: "We should be excited about automation, because what it could potentially mean is more time educating ourselves, more time creating art, more time investing in and investigating the sciences, more time focused on invention, more time going to space, more time enjoying the world that we live in. But the reason we're not excited by it is because we live in a society where if you don't have a job, you're left to die, and that is, at its core, our problem." She says AOC and others view work as amoral and points to her Green New Deal, which provides for those who don't work. "This is an unbiblical view of work."
Are warnings against idleness, warnings against the things AOC is talking about?
Just because we don't agree with the conclusions someone draws, doesn't mean we have to fight against their premises. Let's stop feeling attacked and suggest other creative solutions.
Then her explanation of her growing her role as commentator/speaker has to do with the satisfaction of doing something she knew she was good at and enjoyed.
"There are not better earthly titles I could hold than mom and wife, as cliche as that may sound."
"You are entitled to your dreams" is a lie. She got exactly what she wanted, but we shouldn't expect that.
She says that in order for feelings to be valid, they have to be based in reality. "While all valid feelings are real, not all real feelings are valid." She goes on to talk about our fear not being rooted in the truth of God's promises, our anger being rooted in selfishness, etc. She tells us we should examine these and lay them before God. There is no room for getting curious about them. She then talks about sorting through our feelings. We examine them and lay them before God.
In the section on marriage advice, she says, "feelings aren't everything but they are something, especially if they're giving you warning signs that something's not right." Then she goes on to say that investigating these feelings could lead to discovery of idols. This is a way more helpful way to look at it!
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